When I first found out I was going to be a father I was pretty nervous and stoked. I ran around Santa Cruz yelling “I'm going to be a father!!!!”. I was living in Santa Cruz, Ca., I was in a surf rock band (Don’t Bother to Knock) and didn’t have a care in the world ;)
Having a child brings up your greatest fears. When my wife was pregnant I was worried if he would come out “normal”, when he was born I was worried about accidentally hurting him. When we drove from the hospital we drove 3mph all the way home….and we were terrified! I was worried if he would grow up like I did? Would he have the same troubles as me? Would he be subject to the cancer that runs through my blood line? Would he be prone to the addictions that have plagued my people?
For the first 3 months I don’t think I slept and for the last 5 years I have jumped out of bed every day at 6am consistently….why? It first started because we would check the crib every 20mins to make sure he was alive. Then once he was a little older he would get up so early that the latest I could sleep in was 5-6am. When my son was 3 months old one of our greatest fears came true. He was diagnosed with craniosynostosis which if left untreated would cause brain damage and eventually death. So at three months old he went in to have a 6 inch section cut out of his skull. So we did what we do best, we kept peace and stayed positive. He had to wear a customized helmet for months after. We would do custom ghost flames and other rad themes on them. Instead of people feeling bad for him they would stop us to ask us where we got the little skater helmet!!
Being a father is a trip. It brings out your greatest fears but it also created a sense of purpose, ability, stability, structure, hope, peace and strength all the things a wild animal needs in his life. Fear will either beat you down or lift you up and for me it brought out the best. Yesterday my son almost stood up on a surfboard! He just learned how to push with one foot on a skateboard. He finally is singing with me. He swims like a fish. He’s super clever and is all around a huge blessing in my life. When I took him on tour I remember I just got off stage in SF and we sat to watch TP and when I looked down he crashed out on the floor. It was probably the coolest feeling the feeling that he was with me on this journey of positive change and that this would stay in his memory bank forever. Yesterday he was listening to an ipod and he said “listen dad I like this song.” I said “that’s Tristan” he said “No it’s that girl we went on tour with?”I replied “Yes, that’s Tristan…”
So my point to this blog is…I was super nervous and now I’m super stoked!! Being a father has brought out the best because I was afraid of the worst. And it has also allowed forgiveness, peace and balance in my life. Thanks Ashland Irie Cannon for being my little bro!!