Monday, August 18, 2014

The things we fear the most may be the things that help heal us the most

I’ve known Bettina Ossana and her wonderful family since I was a child. I grew up with her son and her daughter was my age and we went to prom together. She watched me grow from a scared child to an ever grateful father and a husband. I was never proud of my past and so I stayed away as an adult hoping to not cause any more hurt to her and her family. I remember when I had no home to go to I stayed with her son at his place.  I respected the fact they never made me feel judged for the mislead lifestyle I was involved with. As years past I watched my good friends turn into distant memories of a past I was trying to escape. One day my friend called me to inform me of my other friends passing. My heart broke for their family and it encouraged me to get in touch to see how I could help, if at all. 
I watched these folks go through the hardest experience of their life and from a distance all I felt was, helpless.

I was super anxious about showing my face again. My mind raced with fears of if they would they be angry? Have they forgiven me for all the wrong I had brought around?Would I be a burden of a blessing? It took every ounce of my being to show up and accept any and every possible outcome. I could be rejected or accepted. But the closer I got all I saw was smiles and hugs? This was not expected. The more I showed up the more I noticed this contagious behavior of love and acceptance taking place. We shared our new found beliefs of health, love and letting go and immediately recognized that we now were on the same path. We had both lost so much in the last 12 years and from my recent fathers passing it struck me that these people had come back into my life for some reason. I wish I could summarize my experience but I feel it would cheapen the connection. The only way to define it is this: You know how when a storm comes? You run, hide and cover up. When it passes you peak out the window, crack the door and walk out slowly. When all that has scared us and hurt us has past, all that's left is cleaned new ground. For me It leaves me with a calming sense of center. It opens my eyes to how this hurt inside can be healed and though a long road, now I have the strength and foresight to take that first step. 

Tina has a profound connection with horses. She has used her love, passion and ability to communicate properly, to help autistic children. Her warm vibration lifts those who can’t lift themselves and if you saw her on the street you would never guess the immense struggle she and her family have had to endure. She shared “When man is frightened of something greater then him, he breaks that person, place or thing down to be able to hold rein over it. This is not the way things should be.” She informed me “Paul, horses are not to be feared. They can teach us to love that of which we don’t understand. They can help heal us physically and emotionally.”  I walked away with a new understanding of horses and of my long time friends path she has now embarked on. Tina’s husband Jeff turned to his art. I will video some of his art and write more about his journey. They are creations of true passion and pure intention. He told me “Paul, every night I have to give up the keys to God. I have detached from all the hurt and attachment to objects of this earth. And though I will enjoy every moment on earth, I have to remind myself I am merely passing through this life and I belong with God, my brother, my father and my son.”
What do we do when life challenges our will, our desires and our intentions? These two completely let go and turned to what they love the most. They follow their heart now and nothing but. I was nervous to “Show Up” but when I walked away I walked away with an elated self of being a clearer understanding of my new found path. They have given me the greatest gift and that is the permission to let go as well. 

“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.”

―Ann Landers

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